I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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