Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
