So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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