there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
