got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
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...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
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Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
foreskin is a definite game changer
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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