I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
