She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just pee around me
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
