Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
