my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
