yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize