i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
