Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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