so that wasnt chicken after all
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
So squirting runs in the family.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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