I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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