my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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