Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
