Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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