HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
