glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
