You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
