I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
