fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
