Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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