She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
