1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
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