we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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