Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
