ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
