I cockslap morals
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
