I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
