well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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