If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
