i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
you made out with another girl for some wings
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
