At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
