I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
