i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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