guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
