who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
