Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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