I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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