O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
