I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Randomize
