You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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