According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
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Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
is it fun? or sober?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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