My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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