maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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