Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
