Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize