I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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