The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just want to make out with him forever
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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