we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
