Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
