Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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