I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
