My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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