Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize