Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
