Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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