My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
