Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
party gras won. party gras always wins.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The adults are the big ones right?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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