Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
