i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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