My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
