In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
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Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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