he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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