All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
