$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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