It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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