dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
