it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
